So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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