Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
