And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
