garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
