She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
