Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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