thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
porn star boner night. come get it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
