exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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