one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
