I wish I could teleport
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
