then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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