Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
