new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
