I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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