And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
