Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
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