He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
