i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
