Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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