Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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