I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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