So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
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Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
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He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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