Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
A+ Viking dick
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
