I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
