you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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