My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
