No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
