tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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