I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
