Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
