you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
