is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
