Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
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Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
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I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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