I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
