why didn't you poke me back
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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