You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
