I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
