he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
