Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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