i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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