My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
