a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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