I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
