there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
