Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
