I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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