sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
