we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
