these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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