You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
