we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
