Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
