Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
