I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
