know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
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At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
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I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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