I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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