I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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