i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
