I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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