The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
