is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
