This show inspires me to have sex in space
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
