I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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