Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
