My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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