How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
