Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
