"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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