Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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