i already hear my dad disowning me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
